I guess they don't know much I hate my trees.
Don't get me wrong, I'm against deforestation, and I know that trees are the primary reason why we haven't had a second dust bowl. I enjoy trees in paintings, photographs, and poems. Those huge, ancient trees that have tunnels carved through them are magnificent. I like the trees in your neighborhood, and I love that tree in your grandma's yard that held your old swing.
But when it comes to the trees on my own property, I'm in favor of the scorched earth policy. I don't even like the trees on my neighbor's property. Those trees dump as many leaves and branches on my yard as my own do, so they're just as much trouble, and sometimes more. We lived in our new house one full day before a windstorm roared down the street and a tree blew over into our yard from next door. Quite a trick, the way it neatly jumped the property line. In less than 30 seconds I owned another large, useless, piece of junk tree.
So, I laughed when I read that if I fill out the Arbor Day Foundation's survey, AND send them ten bucks, they'll send me this.
As a gift I'll receive ten more trees to plant where I live? You might as well tell me, "Sign here, and in a month you'll have staff infection." When it comes to trees, my glass is half empty. You say "bird song"; I say "bird crap".
So, no. I'm not filling out their survey. But I did take a minute to read the highly scientific questions.
Talk about taking you on a sentimental journey. Why don't they ask, "As a child, did you ever fall out of a tree and break your arm?" or "During spooky storms, do tree limbs ever look like arms and hands that could reach through the window and take your soul?"
Then there's the irony of the bonus gifts and the survey's paperwork.
Do you know how many trees were killed to create the paper that was used to make the "The Tree Book", "The Rain Forest Rescue Calendar", and even the "2014 Iowa Tree Survey"?
Wait a minute... Hey, Arbor Day Foundation, come on over to my house if you want to make some more paper!
Link: My previous rant about trees
As a gift I'll receive ten more trees to plant where I live? You might as well tell me, "Sign here, and in a month you'll have staff infection." When it comes to trees, my glass is half empty. You say "bird song"; I say "bird crap".
So, no. I'm not filling out their survey. But I did take a minute to read the highly scientific questions.
Talk about taking you on a sentimental journey. Why don't they ask, "As a child, did you ever fall out of a tree and break your arm?" or "During spooky storms, do tree limbs ever look like arms and hands that could reach through the window and take your soul?"
Then there's the irony of the bonus gifts and the survey's paperwork.
Do you know how many trees were killed to create the paper that was used to make the "The Tree Book", "The Rain Forest Rescue Calendar", and even the "2014 Iowa Tree Survey"?
Wait a minute... Hey, Arbor Day Foundation, come on over to my house if you want to make some more paper!
Link: My previous rant about trees
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