...You Might Be A Parent

Remember Comedian Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a Redneck" schtick?

"If you buy wine and cheese at the same place you buy gasoline... you might be a redneck."

Okay, I made up that redneck joke, but you get the idea. In a similar vein, I've been making up a list of characteristics and/or behaviors that are unique to being a parent of a little kid. It's not the most creative idea, but it is fun to play with. Here's what I have so far:

If your alter ego is the Tickle Monster... you might be a parent.

If the cars in your garage constantly door ding each other ... you might be a parent.

If you have ever listened to "The Wheels on the Bus" while you were alone in your car... you might be a parent.

If you have ever been late for work because you couldn't find a certain stuffed animal... you might be a parent.

If you judge a public bathroom by its changing table... you might be a parent.

If you shower in a space littered with brightly colored plastic toys... you might be a parent.

If you have ever covered a cut on your own finger with a Hello Kitty band-aid... you might be a parent.

If you just found out that a popular nightspot that you wanted to visit has been closed for two years... you might be a parent.

If going to McDonald's means going out for dinner... you might be a parent.

If you have ever said to another adult, "I have to go potty"... you might be a parent.

If you haven't even heard of this year's Oscar nominated films, but you watched Cinderella twelve times last month... you might be a parent.

If you are tired of winding the toilet paper back into a roll... you might be a parent.

If you know the secret hand signal for string cheese... you might be a parent.

If reading a book requires making sound effects and doing multiple voices... you might be a parent.

If you don't recognize any of the stars on the magazines at the grocery store, but you can name every one of the Bubble Guppies... you might be a parent.

If you have ever applauded another person's bowel movement... you might be a parent.

PS. If two or more of these statements apply to you, and you're not a parent, then you might want to consider professional help.