Trees are fine in artwork, and they look great on other people's land, but our trees...I can't stand them. You can preach to me all day about the virtues of natural shade and beauty, but I'm throwing the BS flag - I can pull down our window shades and crank up the AC and get the same results. Here's the truth: trees and the animals they house drop crap all over you and everything else you own, and nothing nice does that. Trees release leaves that have to be raked into about 50 lawn bags in the fall, seeds and nuts that clog gutters to overflowing during the spring, and branches that can destroy fences, windows, roofs, and entire homes.
A poem lovely as a tree..."
Alfred Joyce Kilmer, American journalist and poet
Tell you what, if Alfred's poetry-writin' butt was planted on the outermost edge of my roof, staring down two and a half stories while precariously leaning over the edge so he could hand-scoop about twelve pounds of maple tree "helicopter-muck" out of the gutters, I bet he wouldn't have been reciting that particular poem.
Tell you what, if Alfred's poetry-writin' butt was planted on the outermost edge of my roof, staring down two and a half stories while precariously leaning over the edge so he could hand-scoop about twelve pounds of maple tree "helicopter-muck" out of the gutters, I bet he wouldn't have been reciting that particular poem.
That muck is a combination of new maple helicopter seeds growing in wet, decayed leaves from last fall. The bonuses are the stench and how the muck stains your clothes. Facing north on our house, the front gutters never dry out, and this dark, slimy mess lays in the bottom half of our gutters like wet cement. If you try to blow the muck out with a leaf blower, then large glops will splatter the house, staining the siding for at least a season. So, this is a "hands on, butt slides on shingles" type of job.
Yes, I have heard of the gutter toppers that cost four figures to install; I've also heard of axes.
Our trees are a pain, and to add insult to injury, the biggest offender behind my house isn't even my tree. It's this huge elm that is on my neighbor's property, but almost all of its branches hang over our yard. At any given time there will be at least one 20 foot long "gift" from that elm. For instance, I found this in my back yard on a day with no wind blowing whatsoever. Thanks, neighbor.
Dr. Thomas Fuller once wrote, "He that plants trees loves others beside himself." Really? Doc, come on over to my house and I'll give you some love.
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