Kids in the Hall
At that point in my life I hadn't personally met Eric's older brother, but I had seen him at school. On two different occasions Todd was impossible to miss; his presence was announced by a yell in the hallway.
The first time I caught Todd in the act was when I asked to go to the bathroom so I could get out of math class. I was taking a leisurely drink at the fountain when I heard shrieks coming from an adjacent hallway.
"Todd! Get down from there right now!"
"Meeeeooooow!'
As soon as I heard that exchange, I ran/ walked towards the commotion, and then peeked around a red brick corner.
Right away I could see the Johnson family resemblance. He had the same blond hair, even broader shoulders, and between both hung a faintly older version of Eric's face. But that face sure wasn't where you'd think it would be. Todd had climbed on top of a long embankment of lockers, and as he was crawling on his hands and knees, he was mewing like a cat. It was hilarious.
"Now stop that, Todd! And get off of those lockers!" When the woman reached up to grab Todd's wrist, he pulled his arm to his chest, " hisssssed" at her, and then batted at her hand with quick jabs as if it was a string of yarn. He hissed again and turned and quickly crawled away, meowing and spitting as he went. "Todd! You come back here!"
Eventually the row of lockers ended at a classroom door frame, and when Todd came to the edge, he began wiggling his butt as if he was preparing to leap the chasm to the next set of lockers.
But before he could move, a science teacher opened the classroom door and blocked his jump.
Then it was two against one, and with nowhere to crawl, Todd was forced off his perch. As the teachers escorted him to the Principal's office, they passed the spot where I was standing. Todd had been silent while the three walked towards me, but when he locked eyes with this skinny seventh-grader, we both burst out laughing at his performance. As they led him away, his eyes sparkled with mischief.
A couple of months later, we were deep in the grip of a dark Iowa winter, and Todd began battling imaginary ninjas in the hall. With the exception of the band department, I think everyone in the school could hear his Bruce Lee imitation. I was lucky enough to hear and see him from where I was sitting in study hall.
As he hopped from foot to foot, he punctuated each shout by mimicking a martial art move.
"Hiiiiiiyaaaaaaah!" [fake karate swipe]
"OOOOOOOOOwah!"[fake karate punch]
"Ohhhhhhhhh...NA!"[fake karate kick]
And the nonsensical, "CHOP! CHOP! CHOP!" [chopping action with hand??]
Within thirty seconds, teachers were descending upon him. Since my study hall supervisor had also joined the fray, I walked to the doorway to see what was going to happen.
"Todd! Quiet down and get to class!"
"Hiiiiii... Nooooooo!" [slaps away a teacher's hand reaching for him]
"AAAAAhhhhhh... ACK! ACK! ACK!" [I swear he was doing bunny hops while yelling the "ACKs"]
A circle of four teachers began to close upon him, but he kept hopping and chopping. Most of his "moves" were awkward at best, but one sidekick was particularly impressive. I think his foot stopped in the air near eye-level.
And it was this kick that did him in. The P.E. teacher grabbed his suspended ankle, and with only one leg to stand on, the battle was over. Again, Todd was taken to the main office for whatever punishment awaited him.
And this is what so impressed me about Todd Johnson. Not only was his comedy inventive, random, and physical, it was dangerous. He was willing to get in trouble for his art. Goofing around and trying to be a class clown was one thing, but being taken away by an entourage of teachers was on a whole different level.
The next day I overheard some older students talking about Todd. While serving a day of in-school suspension, he had disappeared from the room the teachers had put him in. He was later found inside a locked custodial closet, pounding on the door and yelling that it was illegal to lock kids in closets and that he was afraid of the dark. Apparently Todd knew his way around in the space above the ceiling tiles.
I don't know what they did to him after that.
No comments:
Post a Comment