Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the kitchen...

Do your kids ever scare you?

I don't mean when the nurse handed your first baby to you and said, "Here you go. You can go now." And I'm not asking if your kid can perform frightening acts like levitating six inches above their bed or balancing steak knives on their tips.

What I mean to ask is do they startle you? I'm curious, because my girl startles me all the time.

Char's bedtime is roughly between 8:00 - 8:15 p.m. So, at 9:15, when I turn on the upstairs light and find Charlotte silently standing in the hall, it scares the crap out of me.

Or I'll walk up the darkened stairwell at 10 pm, and a head will suddenly pop out at the top, and a raspy voice will say, "Daaaaad... you forgot to get me snack in a baaaaag..."

It's like living in the film The Grudge.

"Snack in a bag" is Char's code for a small package of fruit snacks. I'm beginning to wonder if the Monsters Inc. snacks are a bad influence.

Mornings can be worse. I take showers in the bathroom that's across from Char's room. I keep the hallway light off so I won't wake her. But when I leave the bright bathroom I'm temporarily blind in the dark hallway, and I can't see that Charlotte is already wide awake and following me into our bedroom. When I get to the closet, she touches my back.
"Gaaa!"
"Daddy, I want some milk."
"Okay, " I have to pause to catch my breath, "Just let me scrape my stomach off the ceiling first."

Even if I make it downstairs unscathed, I'm not safe in the kitchen. Finding someone staring at you  when you close the refrigerator door can give you a heart attack.

"I want waffles." 

I'd swear I have the loudest girl on the block, but she can glide through our house as quietly as a breeze fades away. And then she'll scream in your ear, "I CAN"T FIND PINKY!"

Who needs caffeine when you live with a three-year-old?