A Moving Tale (part 1)

(a pre-Charlotte story)

In the fall of 2009 Daphne and I decided it would be fun to move. There wasn't anything wrong with our house; we were just ready for a change. 

As first time sellers, we found the "open house" part of selling a home to be a real pain - and a disappointing pain at that. No one came to our first open house - not even the realtor. She "opened" a vacant house and wasn't told she was at the wrong location that weekend. Daphne's three frantic hours of house cleaning had just gone down the drain.

Our second open house didn't fare much better. An elderly couple stood for a minute in our entryway, and liked what they saw, but because they couldn't climb our split-level stairs they left. So, if you include the realtor, that was three more people than last time.

Too bad no one had even seen my secrete weapon. It was the one thing that I was sure would push our place over the top into people's minds as the house to buy. You see, I had faith in the power of 

origami.

I found the "Toilet Paper Origami" book listed on a "Weirdest Books Ever" web page, but I found the topic strangely intriguing. Besides, the idea of us actually prepping our t.p. for an open house really made me laugh.

I didn't tell Daphne when I ordered the book because many nights I'm home first, and I could surprise her by making our toilet roll look (insert fake southern accent here) "fancy".

The day he book arrived I tore open the package, checked the driveway for Daph's car, and then bolted into our master bathroom. I quickly removed the roll (that's step one) and followed the directions to create the "Fan" pattern. Once completed, I carefully replaced the roll (step 10), and left the book by the bathroom sink. I left the room giggling to myself - much like I'm doing right now.

When Daphne finally came home, about 20 minutes later, I was all excited for her to use the bathroom. Yes, I now know how that sounds. For most people hitting the john is usually the first piece of business when you get home from a long day, but not this time. Daphne wanted to talk. She wanted to talk and eat a snack. She wanted to talk, eat a snack, and play with her dog. Then she wanted to talk some more, hug her dog some more, and maybe think about changing her clothes. After 30 minutes I was practically shaking.

Finally I cut her off, "Daphne, I'm sorry, but would you go to the bathroom?"

Understandably, Daphne looked confused and perhaps a bit hurt, "What?"

"The bathroom. Could you please just go to the bathroom?" At this point Daphne's eyes tighten and her brows drop.

"No, it's not..." I'm now realizing how this sounds and I cough up a little laugh, "It's just that I wanted you to..."

Daphne steps back a foot as I flounder forward. "Oh, come on. Just go to the bathroom with me. It will just take a second. You gotta see what I did." Daphne stepped back further and shakes her head. 

This is not coming out right.

"C'mon." I resort to action, leading her out of the kitchen and down the hall to our bedroom. Stopping at the bathroom door,  I swept an arm inside, and presented her with a "big reveal" (insert "ooohs" and  "ahhhs" here):

Despite my bumbling intro, Daphne smiled when she saw the "Fan", and then laughed when I showed her the book and explained that it was for our open houses. 

Daphne knew folding toilet paper was ridiculous, but she also had fun making designs for our three bathrooms.  Since open houses seem like a total waste, we might as well have a little fun with them.  

Unfortunately, none of the other open houses did any better.

Too bad no one stopped by to see how we roll.