Christmas Eve at the Monson's House

We couldn't figure out why Charlotte wanted to leave Santa a plate of taffy and and a cold beer this year. She finally admitted she got the idea from Calvin and Hobbes:

I think cartoons like this have given Charlotte the idea that Santa doesn't exist. She's been hinting about that for awhile. 

Tonight she got upset that she didn't send Santa a Christmas list. The worried procrastinator quickly wrote one before bed. This gives me hope we have one "Santa is Real" Christmas left.

Translation:

Beanie Babies (a family friend recently gave her a load of them)

"Stop Reading" (Aimed at Daphne and I)

Squinkies

Hatchamals

Squishies

FlipaZoo

No clothes! (As a kid who hated trying on jeans, I get that)

$105 gift card to anywhere (?)

"Hey, stop looking at this note and don't drink the cold beer!" (Aimed at me, I believe)

Taffy and beer? If Santa is real, then this might be the reason he flies over our house without stopping.

Ghost of Christmas Past

I was clearing out old emails on my school computer, and I came across these pictures and video from December 2013. I had saved them, but for some reason I didn't put them on the blog. Well, better late than never.

Here's the backstory: I was lamenting at lunch that I hadn't seen the "paint with water" coloring books at stores any more. I loved those as a kid. My friend Tim spotted one of these books while he was shopping in Polk City, and he bought Charlotte one for Christmas. Tim is a great guy, by the way.

Three-year-old Char immediately understood what to do, and painting even inspired her to write a song.

I don't miss three-year-old Charlotte, but it is fun to revisit her. That's one of the reasons I keep posting on this blog.

In the Club

I discovered Homestar Runner back in 2004. It is a comedy site full of strange cartoon characters and surreal humor. I thought the games, toons, and Strong Bad emails were hilarious, but I'll freely admit the humor isn't for everyone. The site is family-friendly unless you are offended by the words "butt" and "crap".

Homestar Runner doesn't have any commercials, but you can buy their merchandise. I gave Charlotte a Trogdor onesie when she was a few months old. I whispered, "You don't know it, but some day you are going to loooove Trogdor. He's the burninator."

The site went dormant about the same time Char was born. Turns out the creators of the site, Matt and Mike Chapman, had started their own families and needed time off. They kept the site running, but we were pretty busy with our baby. I stopped checking for updates after awhile.

I still wear my Homestar t-shirts, though.

It's surprising how many people approach me when they recognize the image on my shirt. We were at a restaurant last weekend, and a stranger walked over and said, "Hey, I like your shirt. Back in high school and college, Homestar was all we did." I thanked him, and we talked a bit about the site. He told me his cousin was really good at doing imitations, and could do all the voices. That might seem really random, but I liked his story. He shook my hand before he left.

"I've never met a Homestar fan that I didn't like." - Will Rogers 

I've also worn the shirts while running road races. During the Des Moines Marathon a spectator yelled at me, "Everyone loves the Homestar Runner! He's a terrific athlete!" While running the Dam to Dam, another runner kept quoting Strong Bad and then looking over at me for approval,"Check me out!" "I don't have a tape leg!" "Seal da deal!" He did this five or six times until his embarrassed buddy punched him in the shoulder. I didn't mind.

"No, seriously. Check me out!"

Being a Homestar Runner fan is like being in a club, but you don't know any of the the members.

For years Charlotte has been asking me, "Dad, why doesn't the guy on your shirt have arms?"

I usually answered, "I'm not sure honey. That's just the way he was drawn." Back then Char wasn't mature enough to understand Homestar's unusual humor. She might even think some of the characters were scary. She also wouldn't understand that she shouldn't say the world "crap" although Strong Bad sometimes does.

Char asked me the arms question again a few weeks ago. I said, "When we get home, I'll show you." And I did.

 We fired up the laptop, found the website, and clicked on the "First Time Here?" button.

I had no idea how Charlotte would react.

Her brow knitted at first, then a tiny smile crossed her lips, and by the time Homestar had messed up his lines for the fifth time, Char's eye began to sparkle. When the introduction clip was over, my daughter turned to me and quoted, "It's dot commmmm!" and then she laughed.

Yea! She gets it! Charlotte is in the club!

We watched all of the character profiles, a few of my favorite Strong Bad emails, and we finished with some "Teen Girl Squad" cartoons. Honestly, I had forgotten how funny it all is. We watched a few more 'toons before bedtime.

I surprised Char the next morning with a Homestar key chain that I had fastened to her backpack. She was pumped, B\but before we got to school, I had to explain something to her.

I've written about this before. Charlotte really likes the Hayao Miyazaki's movies My Neighbor Totoro and Kiki's Delivery Service.

She has this Totoro print on her wall.

She also has fan shirts.

Char understands that not many kids around here know these movies, and she can't use them as a point of reference. "Remember that time when Kiki flew down the street..." But every once in a while someone, usually a teenage girl with blue hair, will walk up to Charlotte and say, "I really like your Totoro shirt."

I told her that Homestar is going to be like that. "You can't show someone that keychain and say, 'Look! It's Homestar!' because they probably won't know him. Does that make sense?"

She nodded her head, "It's a daddy-daughter thing." Exactly.

I've been digging around in my basement and at school to see how big my Homestar stockpile is. I found a music CD, the DVD set, and a few drink coasters. The best discovery was a poster from 2004. I had it on my classroom wall for a year or two, but it hasn't seen the light of day in over a decade. I'm surprised the poster didn't get crushed by falling books in the English department storage closet, but it was safely stored in this box.

The edges are a bit beat up with tiny tears, partial tape strips, and pinholes. A poster frame neatly hides those imperfections. I was saving this as a Christmas gift, but it's already on her wall. 

I'll admit it. I couldn't wait to see Char's reaction when she saw this. I wasn't disappointed. After a 20 second smile and some fist pumps into the air, Char asked me to lean the poster against the couch. She plopped onto the carpet and starting pointing out characters, "There's Bubs! That's Strongbad. Homestar! Trogdoooor!" "Dad, can we hang it up in my room?" 

"Of course we can. I told you. This is for you." 

*Huge Hug* 

I am so glad I saved this poster.

It is very cool when your kid genuinely enjoys something you also enjoy. I know Homestar isn't educational, and it promotes unneeded screen time, but sometimes you should do stuff that is just for fun. Even if you think these cartoons are junk, they are harmless junk.

Link

Once Again, for the Last Time

Charlotte's dance team performed at Merle Hay Mall last Friday. This has been a holiday tradition for the past four years.

When she saw Mom:

When she saw me:

Here's the dance:

We repeated the Monson family mantra that follows any activity: "Did you do your best?" and "Where do you want to eat?" Charlotte did do her best, and she wanted ice cream at Flix, again.

I didn't think much about it at the time, but this was the last time I'll see our daughter dance at the mall. Her age group has outgrown the mall performances.

If that makes me a little sad, I'll remind myself about the self-righteous woman who rudely scolded us for standing in front of her, and most of that sadness will go away.

Man, that lady was awful.

My Time Travel Foods

I blogged about tater tot pizza crust yesterday, and as I was finishing that post I had a thought. I wondered if Charlotte will remember that tater tot meal when she grows up?

Maybe, but there's no way to know. I've got a good memory, but I can only remember what happened from my own point of view. I could spend an afternoon at the park with my sister and my parents, and we would all have different memories of that day.

I can't predict what will be memorable for Charlotte, but I can tell her what foods stood out to me as an Iowa kid living in Inwood and later Rock Valley.

These are my time travel foods; one bite and I'm a kid again.

Ramen Noodles.

My dad made these noodles when I was Charlotte's age, and I was soooo impressed by them. I thought that Dad had taken spaghetti and worked some kind of magic that made the noodles curly. I'd ask him, "Are we having your fancy noodles tonight?" Dad laughed every time I called them that. 

White Castle Burgers.

My mom was excited to get Chinese take out when we visited my Great Aunt Elnora (we called her Grandma) in Minneapolis. Mom always ordered chicken chow mein. I thought that was grossest looking stuff ever. Dad would bring back hamburgers from White Castle to make me (and him, I suspect) happy. These were memorable for multiple reasons. One) There are no White Castle restaurants in Iowa. Two) These burgers are kid-sized, and I felt pretty grown up because I could eat more than one. Three) At 17 cents a piece, Dad would buy as many as I wanted. 

Vanilla Ice Cream with Toppings.

One of my favorite desserts was vanilla ice cream topped with Hershey's Chocolate Syrup and Spanish peanuts. We always ate this when my family was hanging out with the Paulsons at their house. The ice cream was served at sunset, and we would sit outside on a porch that faced a corn field. Watching fireflies floating between the corn stalks was like seeing the stars dance. 

Eating this now is like holding a bowl of liquid summer.

Snickers with Toppings.

For years Reese ran TV commercials with someone accidentally dropping a chocolate bar into a jar of peanut butter. Those commercials inspired me to smear a layer of peanut butter on top of a Snickers bar. I was eleven, and I never looked back. Since my mom kept a jar of Bacos next to the peanut butter, I'd sprinkle some bacon bits of top, too. I mean, why not? 

More than once Mom told me how disgusting that snack was, but fast forward to 2011:

And in August of last year, Bacon Today published this recipe:

See, Mom? I wasn't gross. I was cutting-edge.

Chick-O-Stick.

My love for the Chick-O-Stick came from an economic decision. When I was little, my mom would give me a quarter to buy candy once a week. Dan's Clover Farm, the only grocery store in Inwood, sold candy bars for a twenty cents. Chick-O-Sticks were a dime. Even a second grader could do that math. I can get one candy bar, or two "chicken sticks"?  If I saved my change, I could get three "chicken sticks" next time! Hellooo, dentist!

Tasting good was almost an afterthought. Happily, the crunchy Chick-O-Stick (named because it resembled fried chicken) is made up of peanut butter, granulated sugar, and toasted coconut - three of my favorite ingredients. Hellooo, 1976. Speaking of fried chicken...

Broasted Chicken.

Broasted chicken is different than fried chicken, but I didn't know that growing up. If we wanted chicken for dinner in Rock Valley, we could get it from Bake's Bar, Green Acres Drive-In, or The Windmill Drive-In. It was always called "Broasted" or "Broaster chicken", and since everyone (in my very small world) served it that way, I thought Broasted must be the only way chicken is ever prepared.

FYI: Broaster is a company name whose equipment is only available to commercial restaurants, so the Broasting method isn’t something that can be done at home. Broatsed chicken is cooked using high pressure cooking, and it produces chicken pieces that are juicy on the inside and crispy on the outside. As a bonus, it’s has 40% less fat and fewer calories than your typical fried chicken.

If I want to eat Broasted chicken in Des Moines (and I do!), I can get an authentic 70's vibe at the High Life Lounge or just eat at a Pizza Ranch buffet - a franchise that began in Hull, Iowa which is less than 10 miles from Rock Valley. 

BTW, telling people that I ate at the very first Pizza Ranch in 1981 impresses no one. I'm just saying.

Any Fast Food.

For most of my youth, the closest fast food restaurant to Rock Valley was an hour away. It's hard to explain to someone who lived in the city how going to McDonald's was special. You'd be laying on the couch watching The Greatest American Hero, and at the commercial break they'd advertise something like a McRib. If it looked good, you'd know that it might be a month before you got to try one. When Dad finally pulled the car in to the parking lot beneath the Golden Arches, it was an event. 

For example, in 1985 Sioux Center (located 14 miles from Rock Valley) was lucky enough to have Hardee's build a returaunt in their town. Here's a picture from Google maps:

How big of a deal was that? I knew a lot of guys who took their prom dates there, and the girls didn't complain!  

"I got you a char-broiled brown corsage," he said proudly.

Taco John's Apple Grande.

Have you ever seen a cheese tray that also offered grapes or sliced apples? Of course you have. That's my point. Fruit and cheese go together. Apple pie and cheddar cheese is another great food combination from my youth. My Grandma liked to sing in the kitchen at Christmas time, "Apple pie without the cheese is like a kiss without the squeeze!" 

Christmas might be why I liked the Apple Grande so much. Eating it made me think of the holidays. Now the holidays are the only time you can get one. To quote the TJ website, "There’s nothing else like an Apple Grande, and it’s back for a limited time! Sweet apple filling is spread over a crispy, flaky shell then topped with shredded cheddar cheese and cinnamon candy sugar. Get it while you can!" 

I think I will.

Gotta go.

Crusty Tot Pizza

The quest to make fun dinners at home continues.

I got the idea for last night's dinner from a feature on tater tots in All Recipes magazine.

Since tater tots are like French fries, I decided to make a cheese burger pizza for Daphne and I. Picky Charlotte gets just cheese on hers.

Here's our old school waffle iron. 

I thawed the frozen tots in the microwave and then lined them up on the waffle iron.

I used the back of a large spoon to press the tots down. I hoped that would help them stick together. It took about ten minutes in the old iron for the tots to get crispy.

Here's pizza crust number one. I was afraid it would fall apart when I took it out of the waffle iron, but the tot-crust came out as one piece. Yea! I employed our toaster oven for baking the pizzas. I wrapped some tin foil around a rack for easy cleanup.

For the cheese burger pizza sauce, I mixed ketchup and yellow mustard. I topped the sauce with browned hamburger, dill pickle relish and mild cheddar cheese. I forgot to buy an onion or that would have been on there, too.

It took about four minutes at 400 degrees to melt the cheese. I was too stingy with the cheese the first time around, so I added more on top of this.

I halved the cheese burger pizza, and then quartered each half.

Was it any good? Yes! This pizza tasted like a cheese burger and french fries rolled into one. The pizza was also comforting in a tater tot casserole kind of way. Char really liked the cheesy tots strips that I cut for her.

I know this isn't healthy food, but each small pizza used twenty tots, so that's about 320 calories in the crust. There are worst things in life, that's for sure. Best of all, this dinner was fun to make.

It's time to find another new recipe...

A "Grumpy" Angel

Charlotte's Christmas program at church went pretty well for her this year. She remember her lines.

And she rang her bell. It's serious business.

When mom waves from the crowd, Charlotte either waves back or makes a heart shape with her hands. When I wave, I get this:

At this point my mom leaned over and whispered, "That's your kid."

I just smiled and thought, "Yes, she is, thank God."

Is it Chili in Here?

When I was in school, I would sometimes ask my 4th period teacher if I could go to the bathroom, and then I'd secretly sneak down the hallway to check the lunch menu - a typed note posted on the cork board by the front office. On special days I'd skip away in joy - hands in the air - alerting anyone in the hallway that, "We're having chili today! Chili! Yeeesssss! Chili!" 

The chili itself was pretty good, but the star of the show and the real reason for all of my excitement was the cinnamon roll that came with the soup. That roll was a rock star. Just the thought of pulling it apart and dipping the sweet pieces into the spicy chili would brighten even the darkest of my junior high days.

Some readers of Taste of Home magazine also remember this as their "favorite school lunch".

Looks like Christina Montalvo's school kicked it up a notch. Sticky pecan rolls? I wouldn't say no.

Sadly, the food service at Urbandale High School hasn't served chili with a cinnamon roll in years. In fact, when I talk about this meal with current students, some will give me a look of disgust. I've tried to convince them that they are missing out on one of the ultimate comfort food combinations, but most just shake their heads. 

Is dipping a cinnamon roll in a bowl of chili soup a dying tradition?

I wanted to know if my old high school is still making this meal. Now I don't have to sneak anywhere to find out what is for lunch at Rock Valley. I can simply check their website's menu.

On December 7th they had chili and cinnamon biscuits. I think that's close enough.

What about the other schools in the Siouxland Conference?

The 20th will be a good day at Central Lyon HS:

The West Lyon Wildcats will be devouring their lunch on the 19th:

The West Sioux Falcons preyed on cinnamon rolls as well:

I did my student teaching at Wayne High School in Wayne, Nebraska, and it looks like the Blue Devils won't be blue on the 20th, either.

Okay, whew, I think I can relax. The chili and cinnamon roll lunch is still alive and kicking. 

Now I have to find out if anyone knows how to make Turkey Supreme. Whatever happened to that?

Switching Gears

Charlotte was all about Squinkies last Christmas.

She didn't really play with them very much; she was more interested in opening the package and finding out if she had a common, rare, or ultra rare Squinkie. They come with a color-coded list for you to check.

Char found an ultra rare Squinkie once, and she almost hit the ceiling. You would have thought she won the Powerball. She couldn't wait to buy more Squinkies and do it again. That rare-thing is a pretty good gimmick. It's a total lie, but it's a good gimmick.

I can't find Squinkies anywhere now (except under my car seats), so I think they were discontinued. That's okay because Char had jumped the Squinkies ship and landed into the Hatchimals camp. 

The Hatchimals aren't much different from Squinkies except that instead of being packaged in a Mystery Hut that you open, they come in an egg that you hatch. Char skipped reading the directions the first time we brought a set of Hatchimals home. She insisted that I had to hold them under my arms while I took a nap. I felt pretty dumb with these eggs incubating in my armpits. 

After 30 minutes nothing had happened. It turns out that is not how they are hatched at all. You have to the rub the shell's heart with your thumb until it breaks though it. 

Sheesh...

These also come with a "rarity guide", so you can see if you hatched something that is common, rare, ultra rare, or a limited edition. 

Seriously, what's the difference between ultra rare and limited edition? The answer is irrelevant because none of these things are worth anything in the real world.

No, I take that back. These things are worth real money right now. For months Charlotte has been asking for an egg carton of Hatchimals, and for months we have been telling her, "Maybe you should put that on your Christmas list." The egg carton was about $12 back in September, but since October the shelves at all of the local Targets have been bare. It is the same at Toys"R"Us. You can buy the carton on eBay, of course, but the prices are ridiculous.

Unfortunately for us, Char had picked one of the "Hot Toys" for this holiday season.

Daphne had a pretty good solution. She thought about buying a few small sets of Hatchimals, and putting them in a real egg carton. That would have worked. But then, out of the blue, I spotted these while shopping for wood glue at Walmart.

I quickly looked around to make sure no one else had spotted them. I took two excited steps towards the cartons, and then I stopped. I couldn't believe my luck! And I don't mean that in a good way.

Daphne had conferences at school that evening, and I had Char with me. How could I buy a carton of Hatchimals without Charlotte knowing? She is only seven; I couldn't distract her by leaving her in the car or somewhere else in the store by herself. I checked a few aisles to see if I had any students who were working there, but for once I didn't see anyone familiar.

So, I have an almost-impossible-to-find-must-have-toy-for-2017 right in front of me, and I have to walk away. I don't get to save Christmas. I don't get to be the hero. I get to be the guy who buys wood glue.

Then I had an idea. While Charlotte was looking at the little FlipaZoos (they're like a Squinkie that flips over to be a different Squinkie), I ran around the corner and took a picture of the Hatchimal cartons. I texted the pic to Daphne and told her which Walmart we were in. She could stop on the way home, and hopefully there would be a carton left.

In my excitement I had forgotten that Daphne's phone doesn't get a signal at work. She received my text about the same time she got home. Because Walmart is only four miles from our house, Daphne was willing to put her coat back on and go back into the cold night - what a trooper.

The conquering hero returned with her spoils 25 minutes later! We slapped a high-five in the kitchen. Go team!

P.S.

The next morning at breakfast Char asked me, "Dad, when is the next daddy-daughter night?"

"Next week. Why?"

"Maybe we could go back to Walmart? I think I like FlipaZoos now!"

Sigh...