My Goodwill Codes

I've been reading "The Baseball Codes: Beanballs, Sign Stealing, and Bench-Clearing Brawls: The Unwritten Rules of America's Pastime". 

According to Amazon, "In The Baseball Codes, old-timers and all-time greats share their insights into the game’s most hallowed—and least known—traditions. For the learned and the casual baseball fan alike, the result is illuminating and thoroughly entertaining."

This book has got me thinking. What unwritten rules do I know? Do I know any teaching codes?

Sure I do: In a staff meeting, never ask more than one public question, unless you want to appear arrogant. Never start a new discussion with less than five minutes left in a staff meeting, unless you want to be hated. Don't trust a staff member who prefers to sit in the dark. If you're not a coach, never complain to one about how long the day feels. Never plan on a snow day...

Nah. I don't want to write about my profession. I often write at home, and I don't want to explore those ideas at home. Besides, only new teachers need to learn the unwritten rules, and they won't read them because they think they know everything already. I know this is true because I was once a new teacher.

It would be more fun to write about Goodwill. Who knows more about thrift stores than me? Probably a lot of people. But I don't know those people, and they won't pass their knowledge onto Charlotte. Here's a list she and I will go over before we hit the thrift trail together:

"The Goodwill Codes: Oddballs, Cart Wheeling, and Smelling Like Menthols: The Unwritten Rules of America's Thrift Stores".

"There can be only one." (Highlander movie series.) - Almost every item in a thrift store is the only one of its kind for sale. This one rule breeds competition, jealousy, and theft. It's the catalyst for most of my other rules.

That item maybe the only one they have today... - Sure that complete Nintendo system in a someone else's cart may be the last one you see for awhile, but trust me. Nintendo made millions of systems. If you remain diligent, then you will see another for sale again. It will probably be at a cheaper price, too.

You can't call "dibs", and walk away. - Unless an item is in your hands, your basket, or your cart, it's fair game for everyone else. Shopping baskets aren't for holding your items; they are for protecting your items from others.

Other customers are watching you out of the corners of their eyes. - Holding up an item to inspect it increases everyone's interest in that item tenfold. Quadruple that interest if you verbally praise the item. Returning the item to the shelf to "think about it" guarantees it will be gone as soon as you turn away.

If you decide you no longer want an item your in your basket, then return it to the shelf where you found it. - Don't leave that old Walkman on the underwear shelf. Okay, there really isn't an underwear shelf at Goodwill, but in St. Louis I did see a men's clothing rack in a Salvation Army store that had slightly yellowed tighty-whiteys and old stretched out boxer shorts for sale. Each "under garment" was hung from the clips of individual hangers. Unfortunately, it's a sight that cannot be unseen.

When inspecting a lower shelf, kneel parallel to the shelves. - If you hang your bottom out into the aisle while you're bending over, then you'll get barked at, hit by a cart, or both. Probably both. In order to get as much product on the floor, the isles of thrift stores tend to be tight. Shopping carts aren't battering rams, but thrift shoppers tend to have the attitude, "I've got the cart. You get out of my way."

Be wary of thrift stores on the weekends. - These are peak shopping days of the week. The stores are packed, the lines are long, and tempers are short. Not only have your chances of scoring a cool find diminished, the humanity is multiplied by five: instead of one old guy walking around talking to himself, there are now five old men walking around talking to themselves. Body odor is also multiplied. I was once standing in a line for so long that I absorbed the smell of smoke from the other customers. When I got home my clothes reeked as if I had been at the casino. If you have to go thriftin' on the weekend, make sure you go as soon as the store opens.

Don't park next to cars without hubcaps or vans in any condition. - Door dings and/ or abductions can result.

Assume all working items will soon break. - Change the question "Does this work?" to "Can I fix this?" I've learned a lot by trying to fix items that later broke. Usually my monetary investment is so low that I dare take the thing apart to see what happened. Many times I fail at completing a repair, but the knowledge I gained has helped me in the future. That's worth more than the item or its price.

Sometimes an item not worth repairing should be purchased. - I really enjoy McDonald's double hamburgers. They currently cost 99 cents, and take me about three minutes to consume. The electronic toys at Goodwill generally cost 79 cents, and most of the toys I have cleaned up for Charlotte have lasted for weeks or more. When a toy does break, I throw it away during her nap. I then compare the time it takes me to enjoy a double hamburger to the amount of time the toy has entertained Charlotte, and know that I came out ahead.

If you can't use a electrical outlet to test an electric item, then leave the item behind. - I don't know why people would donate their broken property, but they do. If you are considering giving Goodwill an item that doesn't work because, "Well, maybe someone would want it.", then put it in the trash instead; that someone is probably at the dump. No one shops in hopes of buying broken stuff.

If you can use an electrical outlet to test an electric item, use other items in the store to help test it. - Not sure if that dented Blu-ray player works? Find a DVD and give it a spin. You don't even need a TV - if you see the word "play" appear and/ or a triangle pointing  to the right, and/or a moving counter (00:00, 00:01, 00:02...) odds are you are good to go. This applies to DVD, CD, VHS, and cassette players too.

This means "walk away":

Carry double and triple A batteries to test small electronics. - Just keep them in your car's glove compartment. If you don't have batteries with you, you can often find them in children's toys. A folding pocket tool with a small phillips head screwdriver is useful to get them out of the toy, but again, look around. Sometimes you can find the tools you need for sale on another shelf.

Don't be deterred by scuffs, marks, or stickers. - Goo Gone and Windex can clean up almost anything. I also use toothpicks for deep cleaning. They are great for getting dirt out of plastic seams, and the ridges around buttons (like game controllers). The wood is too soft to scratch most surfaces.

You don't need dressing rooms. - I've hated dressing rooms since I was a kid, and I don't trust that  an absent minded shopper won't lock me in by leaving a cart in front of my dressing room's door. So, if you find a cool pair of jeans, but are unsure if the waste size is accurate, just button the jeans and wrap the folded waistline around you neck like a necklace. Your neck is roughly half the size of your waist, so if the jeans fit comfortably around your neck you're all set. Don't believe it? Try it with your clothes at home.

Look for "theme" tables or "theme"clothing racks. - Sometimes the employees will get creative with the displays and gather similar items for sale. This year I was looking for a cheesy Christmas sweater to wear at school, and I kept checking the sweater rack. Turns out they had all the Xmas-themed sweaters on a rack I never browse. Here's the Xmas sweater I almost missed.

Break from your routine "shopping path". - When you get to know a store well you can usually breeze through in about a third of the time it would take to just roam around. The trouble is that employee turnaround can be pretty quick, and the new kid with the elongated earlobes might not know the third shelf in the back of the store is where he should put those steak knives. He might dump it by the children's toys. Which leads me to:

Keep small children in the shopping cart. - It might not dawn on you that someone might actually leave garden shears next to the box of Beanie Babies, but you just never know. A few weeks ago I saw a meat slicer just sitting on a couch directly across from the children's toys. I couldn't help but shutter as I moved it to a high shelf.

Broaden your goal when Goodwill hunting - Don't go shopping only for blank. You probably won't find blank, but you might find that childhood toy you forgot you always wanted.

If you're in a hurry to buy your items, look at what's in the shopping carts ahead of you. - A cart full of clothes is checked out much faster that a cart half full of glassware. Clothes can be quickly folded and stuffed into the shopping bags, but the checker will have to individually and carefully wrap each glass item in newspaper. This seems like it takes forever.

Look around; more things may also come with your purchase. - People are great at opening boxes to see what's inside, and terrible at putting the contents back. If you find something cool, check around the nearest shelves to see if the box, headphones, cables, remote, battery charger, instructions, lens cover, or anything else may have been separated from the group.

Flip it over. - Blurays, DVDs, CDs, and records can all be easily scratched. Check the side of media that the player "reads". Fingerprints can be easily wiped off, and light scratches can be buffed out, but deep scratches are a pain and probably not worth the work.

Look inside. - Blu-rays, DVDs, VHS tapes, CDs, cassettes tapes, records, video games, board games, puzzles, and even hardcover books need to be checked. Make sure the item is inside and that it matches the cover or the box. Mismatching happens all the time. Sometimes it's an accident, and sometimes people move a more expensive item into a cheaper case. Charlotte, that's called stealing.

Look for the remote. - I already said you should check around for a remote, but if you're considering buying a modern electronic device like a Blu-ray player, make sure you find it. If you can't, then walk away. You need that remote for so many of the player's functions. Without it, the player is almost useless. And since it's a special item, buying the correct remote from eBay will often cost double  or triple of what you spent on the device.

Make sure it needs a remote. - If you're looking for vintage audio equipment, don't fret if you can't find the remote controller. There's a chance the devise didn't have one. Check for this symbol:

(Thanks, Wikipedia.)

Usually it's small.

And sometimes it isn't there. Do you see that dark square in the above photo? That's probably the remote sensor. Sometimes you can find the words "Remote Sensor".

If you don't see the symbol, the words, or the square, then maybe it isn't remote compatible - like this Sanyo CD player I use in my classroom.

Forget about the remote. - For awhile I had a thing about collecting movies on CED. CED Link I found a sweet RCA Selectavison player at a thrift store, and it was remote compatible  Those are a bit rare. Of course the remote was missing, but I bought the player anyway. Later I discovered that I could use a universal remote from the Dollar Store to control the RCA. (If you're curious, the code is AUX, and then 058.)

Don't openly mock the store or what it sells. - If you are with a friend or shopping in a small group, then a laugh here or there is okay. But plenty of people are shopping thrift because it is the only place they can afford. There's no need to insult them.

Sometimes a big laugh can't be helped. - I was shopping with my friend Matt and he pointed out a used underarm deodorant for sale in the window. There was no cap, and the sun had melted away all of the product except a small, green blob on the end of the pointed plastic riser. The price was 10 cents. That might not seem funny to you, but when he handed it to me and I looked inside and saw that blob, I almost lost it. I don't know if it was the blob, or the fact they still wanted a dime for it.

Employees can be just as maladjusted as the customers. - Don't expect good manners from anyone else, but always show them to others. There's not a lot of kindness in thrift stores, and you don't need to contribute to that atmosphere.

Always correct the teller if they charge you less than the sticker price. - Most of the time the teller won't want to take the time to correct their error, but if you see that a mistake was made and you don't point it out, then you are responsible as well. Charlotte, that's also called stealing.

Have fun! I always get excited before I enter a thrift store. It's like an Easter egg hunt, but you have no idea if the eggs will even be eggs.