Jumping Back and Forth

When she was cutting Charlotte's hair on Monday night, Daphne commented, "I think Dad is the most nervous of all of us." I wasn't exactly nervous, but I was a little upset. I couldn't tell you why, though. Char should get a haircut when she wants one.

Later I discovered what was bothering me. The three of us were in Char's room playing a nameless game where Charlotte is an adult and Daphne and I are the kids. Sometimes Char is a parent, a chef, a firefighter, or a zookeeper. This time, Char was a mom packing a bag for our trip to the beach. While our daughter ran around, Daphne cried out, "Whoooeeee! Look at that great haircut!" Char smiled and spun so we could admire the new length in back. That's when it hit me. I thought She looks so much older, and my stomach did a flip.

I mentioned this at work the next day, and a friend commented, "Yeah, I don't what it is about haircuts, but every time my boys get them I always think the same thing. Man, they look older."

But what's the big deal? She's growing up. She should look older. I don't want a forever five-year-old. I've watched her grow from a baby to a toddler and into a kindergartner. I'm looking forward to all the stages yet to come. I want to watch her develop into an adult that's kind and contributes to society. So, why was my stomach doing aerobics?

I think it was the jump.

Before the haircut, Charlotte was the same girl I've been looking at for months. In that instant when she flipped her new hairdo she looked just like a ten-year-old to me. In that one second, I had jumped five years into the future. Or I could say, in one second I lost five years. She jumped from five to ten, and I'd never see years six, seven, eight, or nine. What a loss. No wonder I felt ill.

If time travel ever becomes possible, I bet it makes you ralph.

It was all an illusion, of course. Moments later she banged her leg on the sharp corner of the bed, and while we were wiping tears away from her cheeks, the wet face underneath was again five years old.

I had this conversation in my head.

"Oh, Char, thank goodness you're still five."
"Dad, I'm almost five and a half!"
"Yes, I know, honey. But you're the only one who wants you to grow up faster."