Birthday 2026: Group Photo

    I know my birthday isn't a real holiday, but what the heck. Let's see what's on the Holiday Horror Shelf!

    The original posters for 1981's Canadian slasher Happy Birthday to Me had the blurb, "John will never eat shish kebab again. Steven will never ride a motorcycle again. Greg will never lift weights again. Who’s killing Crawford High’s snobbish top ten? At the rate they’re going, there will be no one left for Virginia’s birthday party… alive. Happy Birthday to Me Six off the most bizarre murders you will ever see." That's quite a spoiler and quite a mouthful. (SWIDT?)

    In 2017's Happy Death Day, a character relives her birthday over and over with references to Groundhog Day. In 2019's Happy Death Day 2U, the same thing eventually happens, but the movie references are to Back to the Future II. I was hoping for a second sequel, but I don't think that's going to happen.

    In 2010's My Soul to Take, it seems like a deceased killer called The Riverton Ripper is coming back for the seven children who were born on the day the Ripper was killed. Say what you will about this Wes Craven film, but an alternate ending on this release made me choke up. Didn't see that one coming...

 

    Here's a little info about my birthday t-shirt choice:

        In the late 80's there was a popular TV drama called Thirty Something. The series was about seven people living in Philadelphia dealing with their everyday adult angst. My mom really liked that show.

    

       A Chicago band named Local H released their first LP, Ham Fisted, in 1994. "Mayonnaise and Malaise," is a song on that record, and it has the lyric, "It's really something to be twenty nothing." I thought was clever, and I wore this rock tee all the time in the 90s. 

    I remember wearing it while shopping in Sioux Center, Iowa, and a stranger stopped to tell me how much he liked my shirt. To me, that's almost the ultimate compliment.

    Anyway, here's the shirt I wore to dinner tonight.

    Charlotte hadn't seen this shirt before, and she complimented me on this rock tee. High praise, indeed.

        In my small bubble, for a small amount of time, I was a main character... Yay!

Better than the Alternative

"Look at this. It's worthless - ten dollars from a vendor in the street. But I take it, I bury it in the sand for a thousand years, it becomes priceless." - Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

It's too bad that people don't become more valued as they age. You don't earn your youth, but it takes a lot of effort to get old.

Awhile back I went out with some co-workers on a Friday afternoon. There were 10 young teachers (under 30) and a few lifers like me at a local dive. A retired teacher from the regulars' crowd introduced himself when he overheard us talking. He listened to a few of the teachers complain about their job, and then he tried to join the conversation, "I was at UHS in the 80’s, and our biggest problem was…” I can’t quote his whole story because none of the younger teachers were listening. Their eyes had glazed over as soon as he mentioned the 80's. The guy could sense their discomfort, and he let his story fade and fall like a dying leaf in autumn. He was back on his barstool a few minutes later. 

I winced when he left because that guy is my future. I’m almost him now. 

There are approximately 100 teachers at my school. According to the latest seniority list, there are over 30 teachers who have taught 6 years or less. If you tell a young teacher that you’ve been teaching longer than they have been alive, they’ll say something like, “Wow. That’s really impressive,” but they’ll look at you as if you’re as useful as a sundial. 

Last week a co-worker told me that his history with video games started in middle school with Halo (2001) on the Xbox. I failed to mention that I was playing Pac Man on my Atari when I was that same age. I just nodded and pretended that I played Halo back then, too. 

It's kind of possible...

The staff at UHS gets to wear jeans on Fridays if we wear a shirt that matches the chosen theme. Last Friday was "Your Favorite T-Shirt." This wasn't an easy choice for me, but I went with my '93 Lollapalooza concert shirt. It's pretty faded, but you can still read the bands names. 

I think this a cool, school appropriate shirt, even though one teacher commented, "'93? That's the year I was born!" He didn't say it like that was a compliment.

Maybe I should wear this shirt instead?

Everything I have is getting older. My body, my clothes, my music, and especially my stories. I can stop telling people that I was hired in 1992, but I'll still be 4th on that seniority list. Fashionable clothes and hair dye won't change that, so I avoid both.

I'm not complaining about being in my 50's. I bought a "Best of the 90's" CD at Goodwill for nostalgia's sake (even my technology is old.) The songs were fine, but they reminded me how miserable I was when I was in my 20s. I recycled that CD when I got home and smiled at my wife. Screw time travel.

Sure, I now better understand Leonard Cohen's lyric, "I ache in the places where I used to play." But random body pain comes with the territory. Most of the time I'm just happy to be here. 

Charlotte is in 6th grade, and the rumor at our house is that I’ll retire when she graduates from high school. Six more years might sound like a long haul, but I’ll also be parenting, and we all know what parents say about time passing. 

I haven't really thought about what I would do if I retire in 2028, but I know one thing. I won't try talking to any young teachers at the bar. 

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” – Andy Rooney