Call Me (a Dinosaur)

Here's a picture of my cell phone:

Now before you throw a rock at me, and yell at me to go back to my cave, I have to tell you a few things.

First of all, I never wanted a cell phone. There was a stretch of time in my life when every time I answered a call I would hear bad news concerning my dad. To this day, my heart simultaneously races and sinks when I hear a phone ring. Since I hate bad news, I also hate telephones. Get a cell phone? Why on earth would I want bad news to be able to find me anywhere and anytime it wanted to? Forget that mess; thank you very little.

Despite my dragging heels, Daphne bought me a TracFone for Christmas in 2004. She assured me she bought the cheapest phone with the shortest service plan she could find, and if I hated using the phone I could just throw it away. But she added,"Though it would be nice to be able to call you whenever I really needed you."

After nine years, the Nokia 1100 is still my cell phone of choice. Again, put down that rock. There are some other things I want to tell you about my phone that might earn it your respect.

1) My phone is the best selling consumer electronics device in the world. The 1100 was only manufactured from 2003 to 2005, but over two hundred and fifty million units were sold during that time. Daphne bought mine at Target, but the 1100's no-slip grips and dust-proof case were really aimed at third-world regions where texting and calling were all a cell phone needed to do. The thing sold like wildfire.

2) Talking about sales, a cell phone like mine sold on eBay for $32,000. Seriously, phones made in Bochum, Germany, had a software flaw that could be exploited to gain access to other people's online banking accounts. Hackers in Russia, Romania, and Morocco were especially interested. Some of these German phones are still for sale on eBay. Today I found one selling for $299:

3) My phone has a fan club and it's own wikipedia page.

4) My phone has a flashlight:

5) I can leave my phone on for 16 days straight without having to charge it. The battery in the 1100 was also used in much more advanced Nokia handsets which needed more power to run the functions my phone doesn't have. What kind of functions? All of them.

6) I can play Snake 2 on my Nokia 1100.

7) In a world full of cracked and shattered display screens, the Nokia 1100 has proven to be almost indestructible. When I was googling doing serious research for this post, I discovered that every product review stated how simple the 1100 is, and how tough. It can even battle Chuck Norris!

But after nine years of dutiful service, I decided I needed an upgrade. So, I went on eBay, and bought my phone some new clothes. I think the new grey housing looks rather nice.

Now, here's the only draw back about my phone. Charlotte knows I like it, so she hides my phone. And she's pretty good when it comes to finding hiding places, but she pretty bad when it comes to remembering where the hiding places are. Awhile back I "lost" my phone for eight days. 

When she was napping today, I went to a thrift store and actually found what I was looking for. A decoy Nokia phone.

The phone was only fifty cents, but there was an electronics sale going that I didn't even know about. Wow, that's 37 cents well spent! I'm going to leave this new guy where I usually place my real phone, and hope this is the one that gets hidden/ forgotten. Of course this Nokia still works, too. It even had a text message from 2007:

Get Dad a Nokia 1100 for Father's day? What a GREAT GIFT idea. Talk about a smart phone.