Saucy

It may sound like an unusual admission, but I really like condiments. I'm fascinated with all the different products that can put a unique spin on an ordinary meal. And I'm not the only one. People from all walks enjoy their condiments, and they take them personal, too.

"Personal" may seem like a stretch, but I've been barked at by a co-worker who noticed how I dressed my hot dog, "You put ketchup on your hot dog! How old are you? Five? You only put mustard on hot dogs!" Apparently she grew up in the Chicago area: link.

It seems strange to be judged by what you put on your hot dog or your hamburger, but people do it. I sure wouldn't want to eat a meal with Sean Hannity.

By the way, Sean, Kraft Foods makes Grey Poupon, and according to the Bloomsberg Business website, it was the second best selling mustard in America last year.

Even Dirty Harry cares about condiments.

Back in the years BC (before Charlotte), when we actually traveled out of state, I would try my best to visit a grocery store or a speciality market to see if I could find a product that wasn't available in Des Moines. It's fun to have friends over to grill, and you can offer five different kinds of BBQ sauce that they haven't heard of before.

I've made some mistakes, though. When we first traveled to St. Louis to visit Daphne's dad, we often visited the Old St. Charles shopping district. The main street features a variety of shops including Figuero's Espresso Bar and Hot Sauce Shop which has, "The largest selection of hot sauces west of the Mississippi, over 2,000 sauces."

I was a bit intimidated by the huge selection of hot sauces that Figuero's offers. Many of the bottles were the same size, but the names and designs on the labels ranged from cartoon animals to menacing fire and dangling plastic skulls.

There were posted signs explaining the Scoville scale, and some sauces were so lethal you had to sign a legal waiver before you could even handle the bottle. After fifteen minutes of indecision, I choose a large and exotic concoction that was sure to wow the folks back home:

I was pretty proud of my choice until we got back from our trip. That's when I noticed that Sriracha hot sauce is also available here in exotic food markets like Super Target, Walmart, and Aldi. I had 2,000 original sauces to pick from, and I choose the one that is threatening to outsell ketchup? Every time I see a bottle for sale in a gas station, I hang my head in embarrassment.

Speaking of gas stations, they do offer one sauce that you can't buy in stores. In fact, I don't think you can even buy this sauce from the gas station - they just give it away for free.

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Heinz Taco Sauce is one of my favorite condiments. If you're looking to make yourself sweat or burn your tongue, then this isn't for you. But I like the smoky flavor and the small amount of heat each single serving packet (or "sachet" if you're feeling fancy, Sean) delivers. It's the perfect accompaniment to Casey's Taco Pizza, and that's why they throw a couple of handfuls in every take home box. Although it might sound like sacrilege, I prefer to douse my Tasty Tacos with the Heinz sauce instead of the salsa they make in-house. In my defense, the restaurant offers both.

Also, those little packets are the only way you can get this taco sauce; Heinz doesn't offer it in a bottle. Maybe that exclusivity is what draws me in. Unless you want to pay an Amazon seller $44 for a pack of 500, you have to sneak extra packets out of the gas station in your coat pocket. I don't know anyone who would stoop to that level just for taco sauce.

Not my coat pocket. I swear.

I did try squirting the contents of a dozen packets into a recycled bottle to keep in the fridge, but after awhile it just didn't taste the same. I suppose it's like french fries; they're either hot and fresh, or they're not hot or fresh.

Looks like I'll have to be content saucing one packet at a time.

PS. I actually did buy a box of 500 packets from Amazon, but I mailed them along with a Tex Mex cookbook to my buddy Bob as a birthday gift. That was a couple of years ago, and Bob says he has about 485 packets left.

Maybe I should bring my coat over to his house.